so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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