One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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