That's when you crack a 10am beer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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