The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
