yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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