It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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