Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
