my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
