Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
