he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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