whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
