I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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