That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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