Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
