Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
