Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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