Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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