they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
