so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
