That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
