I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
