he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
