The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
