If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
