you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I touched a dick in church today
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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