The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
