if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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