Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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