hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
