Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize