Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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