Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
