Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
