new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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