R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize