Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize