I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
