My friends, they love my intelligence
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
