So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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