it was like eating out sand paper
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
