Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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