I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
