Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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