i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
