At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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