Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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