come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
