this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
