My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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