She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
