I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
