I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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