Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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