Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
