I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How does it feel to date your dad?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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