can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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