Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
