guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
