Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize