Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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