So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
