Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
