When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
