It was confusing and full of hummus
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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