well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
