Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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