my soul wont recognize me after tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
