you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
