Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
