butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
