sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize