genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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