someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
