I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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