So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
