Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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