ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
