forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
