I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
