I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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