I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
