Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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