I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
