wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
