Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
