i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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