Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
